


The Affair of the Heart Affair

by CattB



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CattB/pseuds/CattB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illya watches Napoleon get ready for a date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Don't Know Me

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the ezine Worlds Enough 3 under the psued Kathleen Sky. It was my first fanfic and as such had some issues I wanted to fix. This is the new, improved story. Although there is mention of underage angst there is nothing graphic so I chose not to add that to the warnings. 
> 
> Once again I thank my wonderful beta spikesgirl58 for all of her help. As she and I both know punctuation is not my thing. Her way is better, you know where to pause and breath. The editor of the original ezine was also a great help back in the day, although I'm ashamed to say I don't remember who that was. If you see this and would like a mention please let me know.
> 
> I almost forgot; Napoleon and Illya do not belong to me, as much as I would like for them to. I'm just playing with them for a while and then I'll send them back to their uncle.

Chapter 1 – You Don’t Know Me.

You don’t know me by Elvis Presley  
(Words & music by Walker - Arnold)  
You give your hand to me and then you say hello  
And I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so  
And anyone could tell, you think you know me well  
But you don't know me.  
No you don't know the one who dreams of you at night  
And longs to kiss your lips and longs to hold you tight  
To you I'm just a friend, and that's all I've ever been  
No, you don't know me.

What do you see when you look at me? A partner? A friend? Perhaps even a brother? You think you know me well, but you don’t. I fear our friendship would end, and very likely, our partnership as well, if you really knew me.

I knew from an early age that I was not like other boys. While they pursued the girls they knew or told each other outrageous stories of what they did with those same girls, I secretly wished they would look at me the way they looked at their girlfriends. I learned quickly, though, such feelings were unnatural. A boy who seemed just a little too effeminate or who appeared a little too interested in the other boys would be quickly ostracized. Or beaten up when the adults weren’t watching. I began to build a wall of ice around myself to protect my terrible secret. 

The Soviet government took notice of me at an early age due to my higher-than-average IQ and I received a varied and extensive education and so it was that I ended up at Cambridge. When I arrived in England I found that, although homosexuality was illegal, it was often ignored as long as you were discrete. There was no death penalty as in my own country. I discovered there were others such as myself. They met in underground clubs where, for a short while, they could relax and be themselves. Even there I had to be extremely careful so word would not get back to the Soviet government. For a time, I allowed myself to believe that I could safely interact with these other men. Interact, hah! What a foolish word to use to describe we did in those dimly lit clubs. I must have gotten sloppy at some point because one day a ‘representative’ of my government came to speak to me. He said they had heard disturbing rumours regarding what I did during my recreational hours. I denied everything, of course. I told him that I spent all of my time on academics and that any rumours were due to anti-Soviet feelings and jealousy regarding my high test scores in all of my classes. I convinced him, but he said they would be watching me. Naturally, I should have remembered that. I never went back to any of those clubs, never spoke to any of the young men I met there. I spent every moment of my time studying and soon made my country proud of their brilliant young progeny. 

As time passed, my protective wall of ice became impenetrable. So much so, I began to believe the lie myself. I was not as those other men were, I did not want to feel their strong arms around me, did not want to bury myself in their willing bodies. And if I was not seen in the company of young ladies either, well, I was much too busy for such nonsense. I became so good at hiding any emotion that when my training turned to the killing of enemies of the state, I did it with such cold-blooded efficiency that I became feared, even among my fellow KGB. So good that the United Network Command for Law and Enforcement took notice and requested I become the Soviet Union’s first agent with their organization. And so fate put U.N.C.L.E.’s top agent and the U.S.S.R.’s top agent on a collision course. 

I remember the first time we met. You gave your hand to me, and then you said hello. I could hardly speak, my heart was beating so. You were the man who visited me in fevered dreams. You were the man I never hoped could be real because to feel what I felt for my dream man was unnatural and dangerous. There you stood, so handsome and debonair; all of my darkest fantasies come to life. I felt all of my carefully erected barriers slipping away and I quickly rebuild them against you. I could not let you weaken my resolve. No one must know; I would be sent back to the Soviet Union to prison or death. I became known as the ice prince among my fellow agents. So be it, better that than other names they could call me. I have heard them all: queer, faggot, ponce, homo. And those were the nice names for what I am. 

I tried to seal my heart away from you, but you would have none of it. You kept chipping away at my wall of ice. Why? Why could you not leave me in peace? Did you think you were doing the poor lonely Russian a favour by befriending him? Did you have any idea what you were doing? Did you know I would fall in love with you? Now I dream of you at night. I long to kiss you and hold you, tight against my body. To you, I’m just a friend. That’s all I’ve ever been, all I can be. No, you don’t know me at all.


	2. Anyone to love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napoleon ponders his empty love life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is one bad word here so I guess this chapter would be teen and above. Sorry about that. I just felt it was necessary to describe the way Napoleon was feeling at the moment.

Chapter 2 – Anyone to Love?  
Napoleon ponders his empty love life.

Anyone to Love by Michael Buble’  
Another night, another drink  
Another time to contemplate and think  
Will I ever, ever have anyone to love?  
It's not that I don't try  
Maybe I try too hard  
Seems like I'm living a lie  
So there's a game I just won't learn.   
And I wonder will I always be alone?  
I take a sip and wonder  
Why I haven't anyone to love?  
I guess I'll say goodnight  
My drink's done and it's morning light  
Sorry my friend but you see  
What other ending could there be?  
And I wonder will I always be alone?  
I take a drink and wonder  
Will I ever have anyone to love?

Well, here we are at another official function, partner mine. Another night, another drink, and another time to contemplate and think. I’ve danced with all the lovely ladies, but now I watch Mr. Waverly and his wife. When I see him holding her and looking at her in a way I would never have expected, I realize how much he loves her, how much they love each other. I want that. I want someone to love, someone who loves me. The sad thing is that there is someone, but I know I can never reach out and touch him. Yes, I said him. What a shock that would be to just about everyone who knows me. I am, after all, the Romeo of U.N.C.L.E., aren’t I?

When I was fourteen years old, my father caught me with another boy. His name was Bobby, he was a year older and I was so in love, I couldn’t think around him. I suppose that’s why I was stupid and we got caught. My old man was a real homophobe and he reacted rather violently. As a matter of fact, I thought he was going to kill me. I carried the bruises for days; the real damage went much deeper and lasted much longer. I was never allowed to see my friend again. Dad was sure it was the older boy’s fault and if he kept me away from the ‘little queer’ I would straighten out. I was too afraid of him to tell him I had approached Bobby, not the other way round. Dad took every opportunity to make comments on fags and how sick and disgusting they were after that. He also pointed out every good-looking girl he saw and make rude sexual comments about what I could do if I ‘bagged’ her. I climbed into a dark closet of my father’s making and pretended that I finally noticed girls and they were all I wanted. Dad was ecstatic, I was miserable. 

My next foray into the world of same sex relations was while I was in Korea. I thought I was a man at eighteen, but looking back, I know I was still a kid with a lot to learn about life. Not all of it good. When men are at war and seeing death all around the, the need to prove they are still alive makes them do things they might not otherwise do. Things like giving a buddy a little helping hand in a foxhole. Of course I fell in love with him a little. When he died days after we went further that a hand job, I thought it was a warning from God that I wasn’t allowed to feel this way. It was, as my father had said, a sin against God and nature. So back into my dark closet I went. After all, hadn’t Dad said that one day I would find a woman who would make me forget all my youthful indiscretions?

When, Dad? Night after night I drink, and dance, and fuck my way through another date, and at the end of the night, I just feel empty. None of them make me feel anything. It’s not that I don’t try, maybe I try too hard. Maybe it’s time to give in, to admit I’m living a lie. This is a game I just won’t learn and I wonder, will I always be alone?

By the time I joined U.N.C.L.E., I had perfected my playboy image and the notches on my bedpost were numerous. Being an international spy only gave me more opportunities to add the number. By now, if they were real notches, I wouldn’t have a bedpost anymore, just a pile of sawdust. I won’t do anything to change though; I’m too big a coward. If people were to find out what I really was, I would lose everything. I would lose my friends, what’s left of my family, and my position with U.N.C.L.E. as Chief Enforcement Officer. I’d lose the possibility of someday becoming Number One Section One. Hell, I would probably even lose my job, even though U.N.C.L.E. is supposed to be open-minded about such things. If I thought I had half a chance with my secret love, I’d give it all up. But that’s a fools dream, I’m afraid he would deck me if I ever suggested such a thing. Then he’d go to Mr. Waverly and request a new partner. 

I turn now and look at him, my partner and friend, before dancing another dance with the lady du jour. I love him so much more than I have loved any of my many paramours. My mind skitters away from that thought as soon as I have it. Dad wouldn’t approve, U.N.C.L.E. wouldn’t approve, society wouldn’t approve. I smile my best smile, flirting as I guide her around the dance floor. After the dance, she and I return to the table and sit down to finish our drinks. The party is winding down and I know that soon I will have to take her home and perform for her. We can’t have it said that U.N.C.L.E.’s great lover of women is off his game, now, can we?

Oh, Illya, what am I going to do? Why can’t I stop thinking of you, even when I have a beautiful woman in my arms? Why do I wake up in the middle of the night so hard I hurt? On those nights I try to do what Dad would want. I run through the list of beautiful women I’ve been with as I stroke myself. But it’s your face I see, your name on my lips as I cum. I think of what it would feel like to be possessed by you. When I lay with a woman, they are all softness and curves and sweet scent. I have to be the aggressor in most cases. I think that’s what I like about Angelique; she likes to take charge in the bedroom. But even Angelique has the softness of a woman. Men are the complete opposite of women; they are all muscle and hard angles. And the way they smell, God, I love the earthy smell of men. I imagine what it would be like to have you possess me Illya, your musk surrounding me as you love me and I get hard just thinking of it. Why can’t I stop having these thoughts? I wish I had the balls to ask you, I wish you had an answer. Oh well, I guess I’ll say goodnight. My drink’s done and it’s nearing morning. I’m sorry my friend, but what other ending could there be? I wonder, will I ever have anyone to love?


	3. I've got you under my skin.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After much consideration, Illya make a decision.

I’ve got you under my skin by Frank Sinatra  
Songwriter: Cole Porter  
I've got you under my skin.   
I've got you deep in the heart of me.   
So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me.   
I've got you under my skin.   
I'd tried so not to give in.   
I said to myself: this affair never will go so well.   
But why should I try to resist when, baby, I know down well   
I've got you under my skin? 

I'd sacrifice anything come what might   
For the sake of havin' you near   
In spite of a warnin' voice that comes in the night   
And repeats, repeats in my ear:   
Don't you know, you fool, you never can win?   
Use your mentality, wake up to reality.   
But each time that I do just the thought of you   
Makes me stop before I begin   
'Cause I've got you under my skin. 

What am I to do, Napoleon? I thought I had my feeling under control. I was fooling myself. What were the words to that song you were listening to the other day? Ah, I have it, I’ve got you under my skin. Yes, I fear that I do, indeed, have you under my skin. I thought it was such a foolishly romantic sentiment. I even said as much to you. But now the words hit home, now I understand what the words really mean. 

My awareness of you goes beyond what is normal for all good agents to have for their partner. I believe, or hope, that you have the same awareness of me. People are beginning to talk. Do you know what they say, my friend? They think we are lovers. They notice how in tune we are, how much we touch each other and they wonder, “Are they?” We each know when the other is in trouble. When one is in hospital, the other refuses to leave until the doctor declares the injured one to be out of danger. When we are in the field fighting for our lives, we move together like a well choreographed dance. Even when simply walking the halls of U.N.C.L.E., we walk shoulder to shoulder, never missing a step. We have no need for words; they say we must communicate telepathically. I almost believe that, I swear I can hear you in my mind. I know I feel you in my heart. 

It is surprising to me how many of the office gossips seem to approve of our so-called affair. I overheard Waverley’s secretary and yours talking the other day. They didn’t know anyone was near and were discussing the possibilities that we were ‘a couple’. They were more concerned about how others would react than that we were together. Mr. Waverley’s secretary actually said she thought we were cute together. How is it that people’s thoughts on such things as homosexuality and mixing of races are changing so drastically? The older generation blames it on the music of the younger generation, but I wonder if the music is not simply echoing the changes that were taking place. There are those who say the times are changing, that one day mixed race couples and same sex couples will be able to walk down the street hand-in-hand and no one will even notice. What a wonderful future that would be. But even if that never comes to pass, many homosexual couples exist here in America and manage to live a normal life with no one the wiser. How many ‘confirmed bachelors’ choose to share rent with a good friend? So why should I try to resist when I know I’ve got you under my skin?

No matter how hard I try to deny, it is undeniable. I tried not to give in. I’ve said to myself, “He is never going to love you.” And then you flirt with me and I wonder if perhaps I am wrong. The flirting is never obvious, and at first I thought it was just you trying to bring me out from behind my wall of ice. Recently I have come to believe it is more and I’ve begun to flirt back. When you realize what we are doing you try to make a joke of it but I see something behind your eyes that makes me think it is no joke. The fear of losing you as a friend and partner has waned. What I once thought was disinterest on your part I now believe is fear. I think you are as frightened as I of what is growing between us. 

One of us must be the first to make a move and I know now that it must be me. I’d sacrifice anything; come what may, for the chance of having you. In spite of the warning voice that comes in the night, whispering in my ear that this is something I cannot hope to have, I know I must try. And do you know why, my friend? Because I feel, deep in my heart, that we were meant to be together, in all things, in all ways. 

If I’m wrong, I may lose my job, my home, our friendship, everything that means anything to me. If I’m wrong and I am called back to the Soviet Union, I may end up being sent to Siberia where all deviants are sent. I may receive a death sentence for embarrassing my government. They would have to catch me first. If you reject me, I will disappear, move somewhere where no one knows me and start over. I will change my name and my appearance and become a fashion designer or an art dealer. In time I might even find someone who could make me forget you. Bah, I sound like some poorly-written romance novel. Must stop this morose thinking and do something because if I’m right I will gain everything, everything that really matters anyway. If you feel for me as I feel for you, we will find a way to love each other and keep our jobs. Or we will find another place to live and work. I would drive a rubbish truck in the worst ghetto in Bangkok to be with you. There has to be a way. I know I am about to take a huge gamble but I must take the chance, no matter the dangers. I must gamble on us. Not to do so is no longer acceptable to me because, as that silly song says, I’ve got you under my skin.


	4. Guess I'm Falling For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napoleon begins to see the light.

Guess I’m falling for you by Michael Buble’  
When I look into your eyes  
I see sunshine  
The clouds are blown away  
I hope you're here to stay  
'Cause I've got me needing more of you  
Guess I'm falling for you  
You walk away  
My eyes caress you  
Then you turn and smile  
You've caught me thinkin' of love with you  
Guess I'm falling, I may be falling for you  
Since I met you days are brighter  
Life's uneven loads are lighter  
When I hear you whisper the words I long to hear dear  
Now I look into your eyes  
I'm lost in knowing that you are all I want  
My need for you is growing  
Guess I'm falling, I think I'm falling for you  
Think about falling for me too

Well, how the hell did this happen, partner mine? I feel like I’ve been asleep for my whole adult life and I just woke up. I’ve heard the rumors regarding us. I didn’t get to the position I hold without knowing what is being done and said by my fellow agents. I won’t say it didn’t bother me but I figured the gossips would get tired of us and move on to another subject eventually. I continued to woo every pretty lady that crossed my path. If I slept with enough of the gossips they would decide the rumor was just impossible. That was the plan. 

Then it happened, I looked into those blue eyes of yours and I saw something there I hadn’t expected. I was watching you walking down the hall from our office. I guess I was allowing myself to think about what I wanted with you. You turned at the end of the hall and caught me looking, and then you smiled at me. It was the craziest thing, that smile. It sizzled and sent sparks straight to my groin. Then you turned and were gone and I questioned myself. Had I really seen what I thought I saw? Were you really flirting with me, telling me you were interested? I’m falling in love with you but I don’t how to be in love. Sex I can do, but love? You have to be the strong one here because I’m scared to death of this despite the fact that I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted. 

Before Waverly partnered us, my personal life consisted of a string of meaningless affairs with a long line of beautiful women whose names I can’t even remember. I kept trying to fill the long nights with sex so I wouldn’t have time to think about how lonely I was. Anything was better than going home to an empty apartment and sleeping in a cold bed. My job was the only thing I really enjoyed. The adrenaline rush of an affair was far better than any sex I’d had. I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed that I’m an adrenaline junky. The more dangerous the assignment, the more I like it. That’s true in the bedroom. too. It’s why I never chose to bed the innocents. I asked for extra assignments so I wouldn’t have to face the sterile apartment I called home. Home, what a joke, it was more like a hotel room than many of the hotel rooms I’ve slept in. 

Now I look around my apartment and I see all kinds of mementos of places we’ve been together. Some of them I bought myself, but the ones that mean the most are the ones you gave to me. Then there are the things of yours that somehow ended up over at my place and just never went back to yours. A few of your favorite albums lay near my stereo. More than a couple of your books have found their way to my bookshelf. A bottle of vodka takes up space in my freezer. If someone were to check my bathroom, they would swear you live here: two toothbrushes, two razors, even two bathrobes hanging on the back of the door. How many times have we come back here after an affair to wind down? We grab something from the local deli, pour a couple of drinks, and just relax. Those are my most cherished memories. Pathetic, no?

Once I fought against have a partner in the field. I thought I could take care of whatever needed to be done by myself. Waverly knew better, he convinced me by making it seem that I would be doing you a favor by taking you on as my partner. Hah! It was you who did me the favor. As the song goes, since I met you, days are brighter; life’s uneven loads are lighter. Although I will never tell him so, I thank the Old Man every day for teaming us up. I can’t imagine going out into the field without you and I sure as hell can’t imagine having anyone else watching my back. How many times have you pulled my fat out of the fire? Of course I’ve saved your neck a few times, too, so I guess we’re even. I won’t mention the shakes I got as soon as I was alone after those latter times. Facing your own mortality comes with the job, but just the idea of losing you twists my guts into knots. Not that I don’t carry on, it’s what we do, but I’m not sure what I would do if... no, not going to think about that now. 

Once upon a time I thought I was self-sufficient. The job, my apartment, and the women I seduced from time to time were all I needed. Now I look into your eyes and see a life full of all the things I’ve always been afraid to ask for. And let me tell you a secret, my need for you is growing with every day that I know you. Yeah, I’ve got it bad. I’m falling in love with you and I don’t ever want to stop. Now all I can hope for is that you are falling in love with me, too.


	5. We Can Conquer the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illya states his case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My profound apologies, I know it's been ages since I last updated this fic. Real life got kind of busy but I'm back. The next chapter will be posted in a couple of weeks when my fabulous beta, spikesgirl58 gets back from her vacation. I hope to have the whole story finished before my vacation in early November.

You and I (We Can Conquer the World)  
By Stevie Wonder  
Here we are on earth together, it's you and I  
God has made us fall in love, it's true  
I've really found someone like you

Will it say the love you feel for me?  
Will it say that you will be by my side?  
To see me through until my life is through

Well, in my mind, we can conquer the world  
In love you and I, you and I, you and I

I am glad at least in my life I found someone  
That may not be here forever to see me through  
But I found strength in you  
I only pray that I have shown you a brighter day  
Because that's all that I am living for, you see  
Don't worry what happens to me

Cause in my mind, you will stay here always,  
In love, you and I, you and I, you and I, you and I  
In my mind we can conquer the world  
In love, you and I, you and I, you and I

Everything is ready. The electric lights are off and only soft candlelight illuminates the room. Romantic music plays in the background and champagne cools in the ice bucket. I am more nervous than I have ever been in my entire adult life. I hear you knock on the door and, for one moment, I consider pretending I’m not home. Foolish, I know, you would only let yourself in. I steel myself and open the door. As you enter the room the look on your face is first one of confusion, and, as you look back at me, understanding. 

The small smile on your lips releases the words I have practiced all day. “Here we are on Earth together. Your God has made me fall in love with you. I doubted it, I feared it, but now I know we are meant to be together. I can only hope that you feel the same for me. I hmph--.”

At that moment you stop my speech in the best possible way, by kissing me. I feel as though my heart cannot contain the joy. When you finally let us up for air, I am grinning like a fool, but still there is a tiny doubt. Will it stay, the love I see in your eyes? Will you stay by my side to the end of my life? Or will I be just another in a long string of lovers. I have never been known as a coward and I speak my mind. “Napoleon, I cannot do this if it is only for the moment. I know many things stand between us having a real relationship, but in my mind we can conquer anything as long as we are together.” 

You smile and lean in for another kiss. “Illya, mon Coeur, shut up.” I feel you guiding me back until my legs hit the couch. You give me a gentle push and, seconds later, follow me down. Your arms are holding me as I have so often dreamed and I begin to believe. I can’t stop touching you, kissing you. I meant to go slowly but now I want to devour you. I taste your lips once more before traveling down to that cleft in your chin that has been driving me crazy since we first met. When I have had my fill there, I move on to the hollow of your neck. My hands have been busy too. I have managed to loosen your tie and get your shirt unbuttoned. As my lips dip down to taste one brown nipple, my fingers tweak the other. The sounds you are making drive me on. When my fingers find your belt, you suddenly become tense and I stop to look up and meet your eyes. Your voice is shaky. “Illya, I’ve… I’ve never… done this… with a man, I mean… I don’t know…”

My heart fills with a tenderness people who know me would deny I am capable of. You have always brought out the best in me. “I know, Pasha, I know. I’m sorry for losing control. I have dreamed of this moment for so long, I just got carried away. I promise you, we will do nothing you feel uncomfortable with. All you need to do is say stop and I will stop. We can take as long as you need. You can trust me, lubovnik.”

You look down at me with a small smile. “I trust you with my life on a daily basis, Illya, I trust you here and now, with this, with my body and with my heart. So are you going to show me how to love you or are you just going to sit there?”

I don’t need any more invitation. I decide that making out on the couch like two teenagers is not what I want. I stand and get us each a glass of champagne and begin the seduction I had planned earlier. After a few sips of my drink, I draw you up into my arms and begin dancing to the romantic music that has been playing. You chuckle and ask, “Who’s going to lead?”

I smile up into your eyes and say, “We’ll guide each other, just as we always have.”

You smile at that, and after a few minutes of dancing, you take my hand and turn toward the bedroom. I let you lead for now. When we get to the steps you don’t know, I’ll lead. That’s the way our partnership has always worked. 

It is true that you may not be here forever considering the dangerous life we live. But I found strength in you because in my mind you will stay here always. My heart sings. I’m no longer afraid. We can conquer the world, in love, you and I.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napoleon is sent on a series of short affairs without his partner.

Home by Michael Buble'

Another summer day has come and gone away  
In Paris and Rome, but I wanna go home.

May be surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone.  
I just wanna go home. Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you.  
Each one a line or two, “I’m fine baby, how are you?”  
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough.  
My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that.

Another airplane, another sunny place.  
I’m lucky, I know, but I wanna go home.  
I’ve got to go home

Let me go home.  
I’m just too far from where you are.  
I wanna come home.

I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life.  
It’s like I just stepped outside when everything was going right.  
And I know just why you could not come along with me.  
This was not your dream but you always believed in me.

Another winter day has come and gone away  
In either Paris or Rome and I wanna go home.  
Let me go home.

And I’m surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone  
And let me go home. Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home. I’ve had my run.  
Baby, I’m done, I gotta go home.  
Let me go home.  
It'll all be all right, I’ll be home tonight.  
I’m coming back home 

 

Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome and I want to go home. Surrounded by a million people, I still feel alone. I just want to go home. I miss you, I feel like I’ve been on every continent but the one where you are lately. I wonder if the Old Man has finally caught on to us. He sent me on a series of milk runs that any rookie agent could do and kept you in New York working in the lab. 

God, what would I do if he tried to separate us for good? U.N.C.L.E. has meant everything to me in the past, but without you, it would all be meaningless. If Waverly makes me choose between you and U.N.C.L.E., he will find himself without a Chief Enforcement Officer. I won’t deny that I live on the adrenaline rush; the danger and the pleasure of knowing I kept the innocents safe for one more day used to be enough, but I would give it all up for you. 

Do you know that, Partner? Do you know how much you mean to me? I know I don’t tell you often. After years of playing the game of romance, I’m scared. Scared of how much I feel and how much I love you. I’ve written a dozen letters to you and I’ve kept them all. Each one just a line or two, I’m fine, how are you? I never send them though, because I know it’s not enough. The words are cold and flat and you deserve so much more than that. I would give you the world if you would let me, but I know that you would claim, as a good communist, you have no need for the world and that you are quite capable of getting the things you want for yourself. Silly Russian, I know you can. The point is, I want to do it for you. I want to pull the moon and stars down out of the sky and give them to you. Sappy, I know, but that’s the way you make me feel. 

I’m waiting in another airport for another plane to take me to another exotic location. I know many people would think me lucky, but all I want is to come home to you. I’m just too far from where you are. I want to come home. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life. I think I know why you couldn’t come along with me. He’s testing us, trying to find out just how far he can go before we rebel. Not much farther, I can tell you that. I have had just about all I can take. 

Another winter day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome and I want to go home. For longer than I like, I have been jet-setting around the world visiting cities most people only dream of visiting. Thousands of people surge around me, yet I’ve never felt so alone. I’ve had my run and I’m done. I’ve just delivered the last of a long line of ‘high security’ packages and I’m sitting here in an airport waiting to board a plane for New York. It will all be all right. I’ll be home tonight, and then Mr. Waverly and I are going to have a nice long chat. I want our life back; I want to go back to doing my job with you by my side. If that isn’t in his plans, then he had better start looking for my replacement. Illya Nickovetch Kuryakin is my home and I’m never leaving home again.


	7. Got the World on a String

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Napoleon is the happiest of men.

I’ve Got the World on a String  
by Frank Sinatra  
I've got the world on a string, sitting on a rainbow,  
Got the string around my finger,  
What a world, what a life, I'm in love!  
I've got a song that I sing,  
I can make the rain go, anytime I move my finger,  
Lucky me, can't you see, I'm in love,  
Life is a beautiful thing, as long as I hold the string,  
I'd be a silly so and so, if I should ever let go,  
I've got the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow,  
Got the string around my finger,  
What a world, what a life, I'm in love.

Mr. Waverly knows about us and he has dealt with it in his usual unruffled way. He ‘harrumphed’ a few times, packed his pipe and lit it before he commented. He told me that times are changing and U.N.C.L.E. must be a leader in that change. Can you imagine that? I was stunned. He reminded me that THRUSH would use our relationship against us if they found out. I reminded him that they already did. He ‘harrumphed’ again and then pulled out a file on our next assignment. Yes, I know you and your partner are an item, now on with business. Bless his proper British heart. 

You are looking more and more like the cat that ate the canary and the ladies from the secretarial pool have all told me it was about time I realized who I really belonged to. The women of U.N.C.L.E. knew even before I did that we were in love. I wish someone had told me. Think of all the time I wasted when I could have been laying in your arms. 

Oh, there are a few bigots, even in U.N.C.L.E. but for the most part, everyone is either congratulating us or ignoring the whole matter. Mr. Waverly has giving me carte blanche to move anyone who seems to have any issues with us to another office, but so far I haven’t had to do anything that drastic. There were a couple of Section Two agents that I had to invite to my office for a little talk but, after a little discussion, they assured me they could handle the change in our relationship. We’ll see. If we worked for any other government agency or, for that matter, just about any business, we would have lost our jobs. Thank God for U.N.C.L.E. and Mr. Waverly. 

I know there are many people in this world who believe that what we have is a sin. They are dead wrong; the sin would be to deny what we feel for each other. How can loving someone be wrong? How could anyone think loving someone as intelligent, beautiful, dangerous, and talented as you could be anything but the best idea I ever had?

I can’t stop smiling. I have your love and my position as CEA of U.N.C.L.E. New York and we’re moving in together at the end of the month. Of course to the majority of the world we will be just a couple of confirmed bachelors moving in together to save a little money. We’ll know the truth, though, and that’s what really matters. Life can’t get any better. 

I keep humming that Frank Sinatra song, ‘I’ve Got the World on a String’. Everyone around me just smiles and shakes their heads. I can’t help it; I never thought I could be this happy. I’d given up on love and then suddenly there you were, teaching me that anything is possible. Yes, it’s official. I’m one incredibly happy lovesick fool. If anyone has a problem with it, they can just go soak their heads. I’m too happy to bother with them right now.


	8. Save the Last Dance for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My heartfelt apologies for taking so long to finish this. I hope it was worth the wait. Illya certainly thinks so.

_Oh I know,_   
_That the music is fine,_   
_Like sparkling wine,_   
_Go and have your fun._   
_Laugh and sing,_   
_But while we're apart,_   
_Don't give your heart,_   
_To anyone._   
_Don't forget who's taking you home,_   
_And in whose arms you're gonna be._   
_So darlin',_   
_Save the last dance for me._

I suppose people think I am antisocial. What do they call it here in America, a wallflower? I sit in the corner watching the party. You dragged me to this affair, “Come on, Illya, you have to make an appearance.” How could I deny you? You looked at me with those soulful coffee brown eyes and I lost the battle without a single shot fired. I sighed and said I would go, but only since you asked so nicely. You laughed and said the real reason I was coming was for the food. It’s a joke between us that I can eat anything, anywhere, at any time of the day and never gain an ounce.

The food is good, as is the alcohol. I have had my dinner and now I sit, sipping my drink and watching. You flit like a butterfly from flower to flower, flirting and dancing with all the lovely ladies from the secretarial pool. After some time spent flirting, you seem to settle on Miss Branigan from Personnel and spend the majority of your time with her. She glows with pleasure at being the center of the party on the arm of the most eligible bachelor in U.N.C.L.E. She looks up at you, and bats her sky blue eyes coquettishly. Does anyone ever notice you always choose the slender, blue-eyed blondes?

I understand why the ladies find you so attractive. You radiate confidence, passion and power. You move like some great jungle cat. There is only one other time when you are more perfectly, beautifully male and none of these ladies will ever see that moment. That moment when you throw your head back in ecstasy as I pump into your body. None of your female conquests can do that for you, my love.

Oh, I know that the music’s fine, like sparkling wine. Go on and have your fun. You laugh and twirl your dance partner around the room once again. Other men look with jealousy at how smoothly you move her across the dance floor. She looks up into your eyes and laughs gaily at something you have said. I’m sure she is planning an evening of passion with you. She will be disappointed. You can dance, go and carry on till the night is gone and it’s time to go. But when she asks if you can walk her home, you must tell her no. Don’t forget who’s taking you home and in whose arms you’re going to be, _lubovnik_. Save the last dance for me.

I watch from my corner for a while longer before I grow restless; it’s time to go home. Although I have had plenty to eat, I find I have a different hunger now.

I rise from where I have been sitting and walk across the room to where the band is playing. I motion to the band leader and he leans over to hear what I have to say. I make my request and return to my table. Soon the song I requested begins and I see your eyes lift and search the room. When our eyes meet, I can feel the heat from clear across the room. A warm, sensual smile lights your face and you look down at the lovely Miss Branigan and say something to her. You smile and lift her hand to your lips in a final farewell. She does not look happy. Too bad, you’re mine and I intend to take you home and remind you of that fact. Tonight we will share the last dance and I will make you forget all of the beautiful young ladies. Tonight you will sleep in my arms. Where you belong.


End file.
